The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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