we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
