i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
