well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
