i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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