Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
