I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
