do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
