I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I just shit out all my problems.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
