i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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