Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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