FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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