Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hippo gnu deer
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
