So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
