I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
