Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
