Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
