Will you blow on my dice?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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