dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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