If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize