There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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