i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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