Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
