I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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