I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
