My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
