just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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