at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize