we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
