You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
