Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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