This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
