nut hugger
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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