20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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