Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
