We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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