mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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