Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
