Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
