Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
