you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
