I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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