Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
where are you?
Hypothermia
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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