We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
