and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Found the puke drawer
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
