Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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