watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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