You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
