i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
