I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
