she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
