so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
