If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So vagazzling was a success
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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