he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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