Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
