Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
