you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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