you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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