12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just gargled with NyQuil
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
