Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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