you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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