How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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