there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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