i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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