So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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