I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
