So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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