Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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