She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I know her cup size but not her name....
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