Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
