You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
