I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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