Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My feet surprised me
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