I could have mohawked her pubes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
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Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize