Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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