He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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