I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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