oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
