We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
