Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
