Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
