If i come over, it means nothing
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
