you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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