3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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